Abbey Marchewka’s journey to mental wellness has been shaped by depression, PTSD, and suicidal ideation. She bravely shares her story with the hope of helping create work environments where people feel safe asking for help and are supported when they do.
As a military Veteran and local law enforcement officer, Abbey responded to multiple critical incidents over the course of her career. Like many in the profession, she absorbed the expectation to remain strong and composed, even as the cumulative weight of those experiences began to take a toll. Over time, she found herself in a very deep, dark place mentally, struggling without a clear path to support.
Abbey did what many are encouraged to do. She notified supervisors and coworkers that she was struggling. But in an environment where mental health conversations were limited and stigma still existed; meaningful support and accessible resources were hard to find. The culture she encountered left her feeling isolated at a time when asking for help already felt risky—yet she continued to show up and do her job.
One night, overwhelmed by depression and haunted by memories of disturbing patrol calls, Abbey came close to taking her own life. What stopped her was considering how it would impact her mother.
“I thought about the detriment that outcome would have on my mother,” Abbey said. “I thought about being her only child and how she didn’t deserve to live the rest of her life with something like this happening. After deep thought, I went to the station house in a last-ditch effort and sought help.
“I realized I wanted the pain to end, someone to help me, and I wanted to continue to live,” she said. “I voluntarily went up to Strong Memorial Hospital in Rochester and got the medical attention and professional help I needed.”
Abbey believes that asking for help should always be the right thing to do—and it should feel safe to do so. Her experience reflects a broader challenge faced by many first responders: while the importance of mental health is increasingly acknowledged, consistent systems of support are not always in place. The lack of empathy, clarity, and protection she experienced reinforced how stigma and misunderstanding can persist within high-stress professions.
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After being medically cleared, Abbey briefly returned to work, only to experience a PTSD attack. Eventually, she was connected with a therapist who helped guide her forward. She voluntarily signed up for a specialized mental health program for first responders and military personnel, completing a 40-day treatment program.
“I was finally receiving the proper help I had been longing for,” Abbey said. “It only took a year and a half to get the resources I had been needing for a long time.”
By sharing her experience, Abbey hopes to help eliminate the stigma surrounding mental illness—especially in professions where strength is often equated with silence.
“When we have a cold or flu symptoms, the normal reaction is to seek medical attention,” she said. “When we break a limb, the normal response is to go to the emergency room. But when we haven’t gotten off the couch in three days, the dishes are piling up, the laundry is piling up, and isolating is the new norm, we tell ourselves, ‘I will be okay,’ or ‘maybe tomorrow I will be better.’
“When the world feels overwhelming, night terrors won’t stop, loneliness is drowning us, PTSD attacks take over, and nobody is listening—we start thinking about ways to end our life. If we can take care of ourselves when we have flu symptoms or a broken leg, why can’t we take care of ourselves when our mental health is suffering? Mental health and physical health go hand in hand. Awareness is improving, but it hasn’t reached every environment or every capacity.”
Abbey is a Peer Counselor for the Veteran Directed Care program through WNYIL and the VA. She continues to work through her mental health journey.
Editor’s Note: The Anti-Stigma Coalition exists to eliminate the stigma of mental illness. We share stories, struggles, and successes to remind everyone that they are not alone if they face mental health challenges.
